


the softest arms can't bear to hold (such a fragile frame)

by ftmpeter



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Poetry, Tony Stark Acting as Peter Parker's Parental Figure, think peter but hidden in metaphors and edgy writing, very depressing and very sad, which is a surprise to absolutely no one
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2020-04-05
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:26:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23499739
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ftmpeter/pseuds/ftmpeter
Summary: star-crossed • \ ˈstär-ˌkrȯst  \1. not favored by the stars; ill-fated2. peter benjamin parker
Relationships: Ben Parker & Peter Parker, May Parker (Spider-Man) & Peter Parker, Peter Parker & Tony Stark
Comments: 12
Kudos: 26





	the softest arms can't bear to hold (such a fragile frame)

**Author's Note:**

> something i don't really explore a lot in my fics but love doing: poetry. it's hard to write cohesive fanfiction in the kind of poetry i write, but some lines got stuck in my head last night and wouldn't go away unless i did this. it is, essentially, peter, and all the tragedy, grief, and pain he goes through up until infinity war. i don't know why i stopped there, but it felt right. sorry about the angst, but not really, because i thrive on it. i hope you guys are doing well <3

i.

the star-crossed boy

finds himself on the doorstep

of a home that's familiar

but in all the wrong ways

he does not understand

why his aunt may's bottom lip trembles as she holds his hand and says,

_you're going to be staying with us for a while_

_isn't that nice?_

the star-crossed boy

does not understand

that _for a while_ means _forever_

and _nice_ means _terrifying_

because he does not understand

where his parents have gone

and why they left him behind

ii.

that boy

is eight years old

when he cries himself to sleep for the first time

his tears

are not childish

nor are they naive

they come from elementary school taunts

and courtyard insults

_penis parker_

_who wants to be your friend?_

_orphans like you don't deserve friends_

his tears

are hot

staining his pillowcase

and the bruises on his cheeks

he swears are the result of his clumsiness

even at his age

he is learning the art of pretending

iii.

uncle ben

is everything

the star-crossed boy wants to be

he is strong

carrying him to bed

when his eyes slip shut

in the backseat of their car

he is kind

the kind of man to give the shirt off his back

to someone in need

he is smart

knowledgeable about so many things

the world, the universe, all the things in between

he is warm

a comforting presence to snuggle next to on the couch

and be wrapped up in a hug

the star-crossed boy is confident

that nothing will ever be able to get him while he is there

not the bullies, not the mean teachers, not the monsters under his bed

nothing

nothing at all

iv.

uncle ben

~~he could have saved him~~

is dead

~~he could have saved him~~

and the star-crossed boy has never felt so empty

~~he could have saved him~~

v.

the star-crossed boy

and superpowers caused by a radioactive spider on a field trip

do not mix

but the responsibility

of something so much bigger than him

and the lives

of people who don't even know his name

rests on his shoulders

pushing him towards the ground

unable to let go

and he wonders

if this is how atlas felt

when he was given the earth

and he wonders

if this is his punishment, redemption, or both

vi.

spider-man

is a better version of the star-crossed boy

he is not held down by silly things

like grief, or sadness,

or the quiet at the dinner table

once it is only two and no longer a crowd

he might not have a high-tech suit

and he might have a curfew to adhere to

and he might have an aunt that would ground him into the next year if she found out what her nephew does in his spare time

but slinging down the city streets, well

that never fails to make him feel alive

vii.

the story goes

before the star-crossed boy could even fully comprehend

the pictures flashing on the living television

he would bounce up and down

clapping his hands in excitement

when tony stark came on the news

it never really mattered

if it was for saving the world (again)

or ending up on the covers of trashy tabloids (again)

it never really mattered

because when his face appeared

the star-crossed boy would watch, stars in his eyes

and no one could chase them away if they tried

viii.

so when tony stark

is finally standing in front of him

bruised and bright under the fluorescent lights

talking of feuds turning into fights turning into wars and the need for a certain spider-kid

carefully stepping past the half-hearted excuses he throws out like distractions

the star-crossed boy looks down at his jeans

and he knows

knows better than anyone

that good things do not last

but just once

just this once

he will let this good thing run its course

ix.

the star-crossed boy

meets his heroes

and even though they are taking sides in a battle he’s not sure he wants to know the details of

and even though the original team has fractured right down the middle

he can work with it

he can always work with broken

x.

homecoming

is a disaster

and shame rises in the star-crossed boy’s throat

because tony is angry, angry, angry

angry at his mistakes, his flaws, his reckless behavior and self-destructive, self-sacrificing tendencies

how does he explain that destroying himself

is the only way he can be okay?

_if you cared, you’d actually be here_

he is here

so what does that mean?

xi.

maybe it means

he means something

xii.

maybe it means

somewhere down the line

the star-crossed boy climbed over the walls

he wasn’t even aware were there

xiii.

maybe it means

he’s important

but since _when_

has the star-crossed boy mattered?

he is little more than controlled chaos

a black hole

inescapable, inevitable

who can love what will only disappear?

xiv.

the star-crossed boy

is fading

and something in his chest is aching

and the threads that hold him together

are slowly being unraveled

his hand goes to his heart

trying to find the proof that he is still alive

but he cannot hear it over the roar of blood in his ears

he lifts his gaze and stares at the man

who is staring back at him

an expression of fear quickly smothered by forced reassurance

_you're fine_

he is, he must be

if he wasn't, he would know, right?

he would know

and yet

there is something wrong

there is something pulling his atoms apart

as he stumbles forward

_i don't know what's happening_

as he sinks down to the floor

held in the arms

of the man he trusts

to fix everything, because he always does

_i don't want to go, sir, please_

the star-crossed boy uses his last remaining energy

to piece his last words together

_i'm sorry_

he just wishes he could figure out

what he is sorry for


End file.
